THE LIFE AND TRYING TIMES OF BOUDREAUX THE CAJUN The following jokes have been taken from the "Never Kiss An Alligator On The Lips" book series by Curt Boudreaux. If you would like to order his books, or for more information about other books, tapes, and speaking programs by Curt Boudreaux, click on the links below.

Dirty Bird

Boudreaux went to the pet shop to buy a parrot. He picked one out that could talk clearly and had a good disposition. As soon as they got home, however, the parrot got very sassy and rude. Within hours, the bird began spouting vulgarities specifically directed at Boudreaux. This bird knew every filthy word in the book. Boudreaux was beside himself and didn’t quite know what to do.
“Look, ahma give ya one mo warnin’, you,” admonished Boudreaux. “If you don’t stop usin’ dat filty language, ahm goin’ punish ya bad, bad, bad, yeah!”
The warning went unheeded and the parrot continued shouting obscenities at Boudreaux.
“Ah got enuff o’ dis, me!” said Boudreaux angrily. He grabbed the bird by the throat, open the freezer and threw him in. The next morning Boudreaux opened the freezer door to check on the parrot. It was just standing and shivering violently for the cold.
Boudreaux took him out and asked, “Na, ya gon quit using all dat dirty language, you, if ah letchu out?”
The parrot, feeling the warm air, answered politely, “Oh, yes sir. I’m so sorry and I apologize for using inappropriate language. I promise, sir, I will never do it again and I’ll be the best pet any man could ever want. But could you answer one question for me sir?”
“Wat’s dat?” asked Boudreaux.
“What did that chicken in the freezer do?” inquired the parrot.

Jaws

While sports fishing just off the Florida coast, Boudreaux capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, he asked, “Hey Cap, dey got any o’ dem gators aroun’ here?”
“Naw,” the man hollered back. “They ain’t been around for years!”
Feeling safe, Boudreaux started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there, he asked the beachcomber, “How yall got rid o’ dem gators anyhow?”
“We didn’t do anything,” the man responded.
“Cot dawg! Ya meen dey jis stopped comin’ arou’?” asked Boudreaux.
“No,” said the beachcomber. “The sharks got’em!”

Daffy Duck

As a young man, Boudreaux worked in a feed store. One day a duck walked in and asked, “Got any duck feed?”
“Aw non,” replied Boudreaux. “We don’t have a mawket faw dat so we don’t carry it.”
“Okay,” said the duck as he waddled out of the store.
The next day the duck walked into the feed store and asked, “Got any duck feed?”
“No!” answered Boudreaux. Upon hearing this, the duck left.
Once again, the very next day the duck walked in and asked, “Got any duck feed?”
“Look you,” said Boudreaux angrily, “Ah done tole ya two time alreddy dat we ain’t got no duck feed, us, and we ain’t nava gon have no duck feed! If ya axe me data gin, you, ahma nail ya fee to da flo’!”
The next day the duck walked in and asked, “Got any nails?”
“No,” replied Boudreaux.
“Got any duck feed?” asked the duck.

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